Bit of Ivory

Well, I just got back from visiting my grandfather. He looked pretty bad. He was sleeping the whole time I was there. It was so hard to hear him breathe. He only took a breath every 30-45 seconds, and then it was raspy and labored. So so hard. I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. It will probably be the last time I see him.

All my aunts and uncles were there (not all the in-laws, but all the actual children), and they were playing a video of an interview my uncle did with him in 1997. He looked so good. The hardest part of this has been watching him slowly waste away.

My mother and I have been trying to decide whether it’s harder to wait for someone to die slowly, or to have it be quick and unexpected. My uncle died that way–was mowing his lawn and collapsed. I think they’re both equally crappy. Nothing is ever easy about death.

I find myself wondering how some of you handle it. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is that I know Grandpa’s on his way to a better place. That my grandparents were sealed for eternity in the temple, and that he’s lived worthy of recieving the blessings that are promised in those ordinances. That if I live worthy too, I’ll not only be able to see him again, I’ll be able to be with him forever. I can’t imagine what I would be feeling if I didn’t know these things. If I was uncertain of an afterlife. If I believed that we forget all our family ties in the hereafter.

I would be dying inside.

I’m so grateful I don’ t have to go through that.

In other news, our parakeet is home. The doctor wanted to keep her for one more night, but when we went to see her we just couldn’t leave her there. They had her in a plastic incubator with no perches, no toys, nothing. Her little eyes said “let me out of this trap!” as clealy as parakeet eyes ever do. So we took her home, and she seems to be almost back to normal. Of course she wouldn’t eat when she was feeling miserable. As soon as I got her home she started crunching seeds. It’s so nice to have her over there, chirping in her sleep again.

I picked out some new glasses today. I think I’ll like them. They’re black, rather than silver or gold. Not that I’ll wear them much in public. But it’ll be nice to know that I don’t look terrible if I have to.

I also got good news–and no, I didn’t save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Instead I got a job interview at WGU! Tomorrow at 11. I’ll tell you how it goes.

My grandfather is dying.

He has Parkinson’s disease, and has been going downhill for years now. Just after Christmas, he took a turn for the worse. Grandma started getting hospice care in. Last Sunday we went for dinner, and I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him.

Last night my uncles stayed at my grandparents until well after midnight, and the hospice nurse who came in this morning noticed that his breathing was labored, and predicted that he wouldn’t last long. My aunts and uncles have spent the day up there, and a doctor finally came at 6:30.

Grandpa has pneumonia, and even hospitalizing him won’t help. He’s probably got two or three days.

It’s a blessing for him. He’s so frail. He hasn’t enjoyed life for a long time.

But I’m not nearly ready yet.

And to make it even worse, our parakeet got her beak trimmed last week and has had trouble eating since. Mom took her in to the vet and they wanted to keep her overnight for observation. So I haven’t had a cheerful little presence in the corner to distract me. Just an empty cage and a full mind.

I’ll keep you updated.

I finished chapter 1 of Albus!

*does happy fic-writing dance*

It’s still an early draft– I must go back and fiddle with the dialogue. It still sounds too modern. Maybe I’ll rewrite the whole thing in Austenian. Oh, and I need a title for the story. And a definite plot. But hey, I’ve got a villain, and the names of all the teachers at Hogwarts, and a Dumbledore family tree, and a completed first chapter! It’s happening, baby!

On the job front, I haven’t heard from BYU yet, which is rather unexpected. But in the meantime , who seems to have appointed herself my personal employment specialist (thank you, Kate!), forwarded me an email about yet another job at WGU. This one is different from the other two I applied for. The Associate Recruiter was a part-time entry-level phone position, the kind of thing I did straight out of high school. I was dismally over-qualified for it. I also applied for a full-time receptionist position, but since I’m hoping to go back to grad school in the fall, they didn’t want to hire me only to have to hire someone else in August, which I can completely understand. This job, however, is a full-time temporary position, lasting for 5 months– which would almost exactly coincide with my going back to school in the fall. It’s as a Test Development Specialist. An associates degree is required, a BA in English or Journalism preferred. The job would even be practically in my field, as it involves writing and proofreading.

In other words, for once my qualifications and the job specifications match up beautifully. This would be the perfect job for me. I revised my resume to emphasize my editing, writing, and proofreading skills rather than my cashiering and customer service skills, drafted a lovely cover letter, and sent it off last night to the head of Human Resources. Everyone cross your fingers for me!

That’ll teach me to use Ginny almost exclusively.

You see, while I have both a desktop (Harry) and a laptop (Ginny), I almost always use my laptop these days. I can use it upstairs with the rest of my family, where it’s warm. Harry’s in my room in the basement where it’s COLD. And besides, my desk chair is uncomfortable.

However, I’ve got my mail setting such that when I download new mail onto Ginny, it leaves the message on the server so that I can save it permanently on Harry. That way I’ve got a copy of all my important e-mails in one place.

But since I haven’t turned on Harry in, oh, a month, they’ve gotten a bit built up.

I wondered why I wasn’t getting any e-mail at all today. That’s unusual, that is. I realized that it’d been a while since I downloaded them all on to Harry.

I had 924 messages. :O

So, if any of you tried to e-mail me today and the message bounced, I’m sorry. I’ve cleared it out now, so everything should be back to normal. And I promise to download my messages more regularly in future.

Hmm. Maybe I will change my settings to “delete message on server when it is deleted on computer.” All those LJ comments really build up.

Go Johnny! Go RotK! Go Tony Shaloub!

Billy was in a kilt! Whoot!

Go Screen Actors Guild!

Now lets hope I’m this happy after the Oscars.

New Harry Potter toys, right? All well and good. But look at this:

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger Fashion Dolls – The two main characters in the Harry Potter literary and movie series’ come “to life” as fashion dolls. Each comes dressed in the clothes made to look like those worn throughout most of the upcoming Harry Potter movie,” “The Prisoner of Azkaban.” The Harry Potter fashion doll comes dressed in denim slacks, a burgundy colored t-shirt, socks, sneakers, blue knit jacket and traditional Hogwarts robe, while the Hermione Granger fashion doll comes dressed in tan corduroy slacks, multi-striped knit top with hood, sneakers, and her Time-Turner accessory. SRP of $14.99. Available April 2004.

What’s up with this? Where’s Ron? No wonder we’ve got people thinking Hermione is the “Heroine.”

I need to make a Ron icon.

*hugs her Ron figurine*

We’re watching a BYU basketball game (vs. New Mexico), and we’re playing at home. The Marriot Center is known for its very vocal fans. For instance, one of the New Mexico players threw an airball at the beginning of the game, and ever since then the fans chant “airball!” every time he gets the ball. My favorite, though, is when a player for the other team fouls out the crowd calls out their steps off the court: “Right! Left! Right! Left! Right!” It’s highly amusing.

While I’ve been watching I pulled out my knitting needles and reminded myself how to purl. I’ve got casting on and knitting down pat, but purling is my most recently learned skill, and I’m still kind of iffy on it. I must master it, so I can buy a circular needle and start on my Ravenclaw scarf. I want to have a new one done by . My current one is crocheted rather than knitted, and it’s nice– but it’s also about 10 ft long. Rather annoying, as a matter of fact. I want one that’s slightly more authentic-looking.

I finished Murder Must Advertise today, and found it highly amusing. I read it a bit out of order, unfortunately, but it didn’t reveal anything I hadn’t already guessed, so no real biggie. I’m going to read Unnatural Death next, though, so I’ll be back on track chronology-wise.

Thanks to all of you for your responses to my little essay yesterday. They were all nice and polite, which is always a nice thing.

Rachel will be pleased to know that I *did* manage to get a few more paragraphs of Albus written last night. I’m hoping the leisure of Sunday afternoon will give me the jump-start I need to finish the chapter. If any of you see my muse around, put in a good word for me, will ya?

Am slightly offended that with all of Angua’s extensive memory-izing in her recent redesign, there is still no category for “Wahlee_98’s genius.”

Oh, and a PSA: If you are coming to Wahleecon, I neither desire nor expect any birthday presents. I know for a fact that has already ignored this declaration, but I am being completely serious here, folks. Your presence is more than enough, especially as a lot of you are scrimping and saving to be able to afford the trip in the first place. You guys got it? Good.

Back to knitting.

ETA: They just did the “Left! Right! Left! Right” thing.

I am 46% liberal, 54% conservative.

I actually thought I’d be farther to the conservative side, but that’s good, I guess. Pretty much middle-of-the-road for me. Yay.

I’ve been wanting to talk about the gay marriage thing for a while now, and this is as good a time as any. So, reader beware, political and moral musings ahead:

First of all, you know that I believe homosexuality is immoral. Note that I am referring to homosexual acts, not necessarily feelings. Our feelings are much harder to quantify and control, and only God can judge if a particular feeling is a sin or not. But acts are different. The Bible is very clear on the subject, and in addition, we Mormons believe that marriage between a man and a woman is absolutely essential to God’s plan for his children, and when done by the proper authority, can be eternal. A person must be married in order to be truly saved. We also believe that gender is an essential characteristic of Heavenly Father’s children, and that our gender was determined in the pre-earth life and will continue in the afterlife. Homosexuality is therefore outside the Plan of Salvation, and as with any sexual contact outside the bonds of marriage, is a sin.

I don’t know if homosexuals are “born that way” or not. In the end it doesn’t really matter. All humans are born with a predeliction to sin. It’s a consequence of the Fall of Adam. A scripture in the book of Mormon, Mosiah 3:19, states: “for the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” We know for a fact that some people are born with a predeliction for alchoholism, others with kleptomania, sexual perversions, or even the desire to kill. It doesn’t make it any less of a sin to give into these temptations. Our aim in this life is not necessarily to accept who we are; it is to recognize who we are, determine what needs to be changed and become who we can be. Another scripture from the BoM says “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

God has promised us that if we come to Him, He will help us to do what He wants us to do, and in fact, without God’s help and the grace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we could never be righteous. One of the most comforting scriptures in the Book of Mormon comes very early, in 1 Nephi 3:7: “And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” If God gives the commandment, it is possible to obey it. God has commanded us not to engage in homosexual acts, and he will helps us to obey that commandment. It may not be easy– obedience seldom is– but it is possible.

That being said, I am split on the gay marriage issue. While it is true that many laws reflect moral principles, not all do so. In addition, we believe that moral agency–the right to choose– is, next to the Atonement, God’s greatest gift to man. In the pre-earth life a war was fought in heaven on that principle, and Satan was cast out because he wished to take it away from God’s children. It is a sacred right. I cannot force anyone to live by the principles I hold sacred anymore than you can force me to abandon them.

If homosexuals want to practice, that is their right. If they want to pledge themselves to each other for life, well, that’s their right, too. I believe that legal civil unions may be warranted, but I hesitate to call those unions marriages. It’s redefining a word that has meant the same thing for centuries on end. If we start tinkering with the idea of marriage, then we’re opening up a whole can of worms that can all too easily get out of hand.

In the history of my Church, we were persecuted, arrested, and even killed for the practice of polygamy. Laws were passed in Congress that made it legal for children to be removed from polygamist homes and for the fathers to be sent to prison and work camps. The Republican party charter included the goal of ridding the world of the twin evils of slavery and polygamy (a fact which my AP US History teacher delighted in pointing out, since most Mormons are now Republicans). The federal government was ready to confiscate all of our church property unless we discontinued the practice. It was a condition of Utah’s admission to the union that polygamy be outlawed in our state constitution. Now, we don’t practice polygamy anymore, and if it was ever legalized we would not do so again. The commandment has been rescinded, the time and the need for it has passed. But there are many who disagreed with the revelation given in 1893, and who left the church and continue to practice it. If gay marriages are allowed, bigamy and polygamy are the next logical step. They do, after all, love each other. Who are we to tell men they can’t have 6 wives, or to tell the wives that they shouldn’t share their husbands? We could even have polygamy where a woman has more than one husband. If they love each other and all parties consent, why not? Isn’t marriage love?

The problem is that it’s not love. Love is a part of marriage, but not the whole, and in some ways it’s not even the most important part. It’s as much a social construct as a moral one, and a fundamental one at that. Who knows but that changing one of the basic building blocks of society will cause the whole structure to crumble?

I just don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. I do know that it’s not a black and white issue, and that there is no simple solution. Like with everything, I suppose.

Hmm. In looking at that, I find myself wondering what my point was.

and because I am truly curious about where all of you heard of me, it’s the Online Presence Meme!

1. How did you first hear of/meet me?

NOTE: This is not a praise or feedback meme, this is just to track the path of my online presence and to see the connections involved, to find out how people link together.

It snowed today! Not much, but enough to clear the air out the rest of the way. It was snowing when I drove down to Provo to drop my sister off after her doctor’s appointment and to take the Office Skills Evaluation. Did you know I type 70 wpm? Neither did I.

I want to write, but nothing’s coming. Incredibly annoying that I had all sorts of ideas when I didn’t have time, and now that I have time, I don’t have any ideas. Frustrating.

the interview went well, but I got a call saying that I didn’t get it this afternoon. Once again, I think I’m just dismally overqualified. I’ve applied for a part-time office specialist position at BYU. It would be nice to get, because I’d be able to keep it when/if I start school in the fall. The commute would be a bit nasty, but I’ve done it before. And it gives me a chance to listen to audio books, which are always fun. I’m also incredibly qualified for this position as well. Cross your fingers.

After the interview we went to lunch, and I had a nummy turkey sandwich, an apple, and water. We discussed many fun things, most of which was HP-related in some way. It was very fun. Aftewards Jen and I went shopping. Kaybee Toys was going out of business, and they had HP legos! I bought the Dueling Club set and the Remberall set. I *almost* bought Dumbledore’s Office, but since I didn’t know if I would be employed I didn’t dare. Probably a good thing I didn’t. I might go back if I get this one, though. I’m going to put them together as soon as I finish this.

Which is now.