Bit of Ivory

I’ve been doing some thinking lately. I looked back at my LJ and blog entries for the past two years, and I realized– there’s really very little about my religion in it. Which struck me as odd.

Isn’t a journal, even an online one, supposed to give some kind of picture of who the writer is? What is most important to her, who she most cares about– as Marianne Dashwood would say, “her tastes, her passions, her pursuits.” I’ve talked a lot about school, a lot about my family, about my love of Harry Potter and Jane Austen and LotR and PotC, and, umm, Orlando Bloom.

I think it’s clear from my posts that I am a person of faith, who holds herself to a high moral standard. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think most of you knew that. I read the Scriptures and pray every day. I attend church faithfully each week, where I teach a class of 7 and 8-year-olds who are preparing for baptism, for which I have to prepare a lesson during the week. I attended a Church-owned college, and work in a Church-owned bookstore. The Church is a very big part of my everyday life. And yet it’s almost entirely absent from my posts. I’ve mentioned going to church, teaching primary, etc. But I’ve said precious little about my beliefs, and what I think about issues, both moral and political.

And I’ve been trying to figure out why.

Part of it, I believe, is because I’m afraid of confrontation. The last thing I want to do is offend people. My religion is well-known for being a proselyting one– I’m sure most of you have seen LDS missionaries walking or biking through your towns. I was afraid that any mention on my part might be seen as an attempt to convert you all (which I’m NOT trying to do. Let’s just make that clear. ). That’s part of it.

Another part is that I am very much a minority belief-wise amongst my online acquaintances. I’m conservative. I believe that homosexuality is immoral. I don’t drink. I don’t swear. I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. I don’t watch R-rated movies and very few PG-13 ones. I actually like President Bush. I read your LJs and disagree with you. Often. But you have a right to your opinion, and especially a right to express it in your own LJ. But I dislike being one red marble in a sea of blue ones. So I keep quiet.

All of this was rather unconcsious, of course, until I started thinking about it. I finally realized that I am allowing the rest of the world a privilege that I’m denying myself– a chance to state my opinion, for better or for worse.

So that’s going to change. Not that I’ll be preachy or anything like that. In fact, for the most part I doubt you’ll notice much a difference. But I’m not going to censor myself anymore because of some imaginary fear of hurting people’s feelings. If I feel strongly about something, I’m not going to just swallow it anymore. If I can’t say what I think on my own journal, where can I say it?

I just want to give a more accurate picture of who I am, is all.