Bit of Ivory

Bit of Ivory random header image

I wasn’t going to do this, but. . .

December 3rd, 2003 · 1 Comment

Everyone’s letters are making me compose some in my mind. And you all know how that goes. So here it is:

Dear Wedgewood (my parakeet),

I think you’re really cute. But must you land on my head and sit there like a hood ornament until you slip down my hair, and then chatter at me when I try to help you out?

Your loving hood,


Dear Disney,

The Pirates DVD is great. Make the sequel as soon as possible, please.

Your adoring fan,


Dear Orlando Bloom,

Why oh why aren’t you Mormon? And available?


Yours devotedly,


Dear cold,

It was really very nice of you to go away while my back decided to act like it had been hit by a Mack truck, but now that I’m almost back to normal, is it really necessary to come back with a vengance?

Wishing I wasn’t yours,


Dear cough,

You’re annoying. Go away.

Even less yours than the cold,


Dear Rachel,

Your semester will be over soon, right? Chatting with you is CRAX, and I am in withdrawal.

I tried to make that a haiku, but I’m too tired.

I miss you.

Your squeeing fangirl,


Dear GRE,

Procrastinating isn’t going to work with you, is it? You are going to turn my day off into a study session. Why can’t BYU just admit me without you?

Dreading our meeting,


Dear BYU,

Why can’t you just admit me without the GRE? You sent me t-shirts when I applied for undergrad.

Hoping to be yours again,


Dear math,

Why, oh why, couldn’t you have stayed buried in my junior year of high school? I became an English major for a reason, you know. And why does BYU’s English Master’s program care that I know how to determine a square root without a calculator?

I watched Square One as a kid. Shouldn’t that count for something?




Dear eyelids,

Yes, yes. I know. I’ll be inspecting you shortly.

Yours much less than I would like,


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1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Nicole // Dec 4, 2003 at 7:16 am

    You crack me up! That’s even worse than talking to yourself…

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