Bit of Ivory

Everyone’s letters are making me compose some in my mind. And you all know how that goes. So here it is:

Dear Wedgewood (my parakeet),

I think you’re really cute. But must you land on my head and sit there like a hood ornament until you slip down my hair, and then chatter at me when I try to help you out?

Your loving hood,

Emily

Dear Disney,

The Pirates DVD is great. Make the sequel as soon as possible, please.

Your adoring fan,

Emily

Dear Orlando Bloom,

Why oh why aren’t you Mormon? And available?

*sigh*

Yours devotedly,

Emily

Dear cold,

It was really very nice of you to go away while my back decided to act like it had been hit by a Mack truck, but now that I’m almost back to normal, is it really necessary to come back with a vengance?

Wishing I wasn’t yours,

Emily

Dear cough,

You’re annoying. Go away.

Even less yours than the cold,

Emily

Dear Rachel,

Your semester will be over soon, right? Chatting with you is CRAX, and I am in withdrawal.

I tried to make that a haiku, but I’m too tired.

I miss you.

Your squeeing fangirl,

Emily

Dear GRE,

Procrastinating isn’t going to work with you, is it? You are going to turn my day off into a study session. Why can’t BYU just admit me without you?

Dreading our meeting,

Emily

Dear BYU,

Why can’t you just admit me without the GRE? You sent me t-shirts when I applied for undergrad.

Hoping to be yours again,

Emily

Dear math,

Why, oh why, couldn’t you have stayed buried in my junior year of high school? I became an English major for a reason, you know. And why does BYU’s English Master’s program care that I know how to determine a square root without a calculator?

I watched Square One as a kid. Shouldn’t that count for something?

*sigh*

Yours,

Emily

Dear eyelids,

Yes, yes. I know. I’ll be inspecting you shortly.

Yours much less than I would like,

Emily