We’ve decided that we’re going to answer our phone in unexpected ways from now on. My answer is going to be– “Cinnamon Tree Video Rental and Mortuary. Offering new releases for extended periods of time, and eternal peace at affordable rates.” Cinnamon Tree is the name of the apartment complex where I live. We’ve decided we’re the unofficial video rental apartment, judging by how many videos we let people borrow. We lent out two just tonight.
The Mortuary thing goes back to high school. We were on choir tour in Vancouver, Canada, and we decided that we needed to have a fun way to answer our phone. We finally came up with “Holiday Inn Mortuary– offering eternal peace at affordable rates”. We even had a big sales pitch worked out. I only got to use it once, though. The conversation went something like this:
*ring ring*
“Holiday Inn Mortuary– Offering eternal peace at affordable rates. Right now we have special. . .buy three burial plots, get the fourth free!”
“Actually, I’ve always been more interested in cremation. Any deals there?”
(I was sooooo ready for this. . .) “Actually, yes. It’s our 1999 special! Get cremated for only $19.99! And if you order before the end of the month, we’ll throw in a free urn! It plays ‘Taps’ when you lift the lid!”
“Well, what kind of a flame do you use? Because I love to grill, and I’ve always wanted to be char-broiled.”
“Oh, I’m sure we could work that out for you. Shall I put your name down?”
“Oh yes, thank you very much. . . this is Mr. Goldhardt (our VICE PRINCIPAL!!!). You guys are really funny. The bus leaves in 15 minutes.”
“Thanks!”
*click*
Yeah, that was pretty fun.
UPDATE!!!
Since writing the above, I got my chance! The conversation follows–
*ring ring*
“Cinnamon Tree Video Rental and Mortuary– offering new releases for extended periods of time, and eternal peace at affordable rates.”
“Wow, you have a motor-mouth. I was wondering if you had ‘Big Daddy’ in stock.”
“No, I’m sorry, we’re out of that one right now.”
“Well, do you have Tressa and Erin (my roomies who aren’t home)
going crazy?”
“No, I’m sorry, they’re both out right now. I can put your name on a waiting list if you choose.”
“Yes, I’d like to reserve them.”
“Can I get your name, please?”
“Johann. . .do you know how to spell that?”
“Umm . .J-O-H-A-N-N?”
“Good! Not many people know how to spell that.”
“Well, working at Cinnamon Tree Video Rental and Mortuary, you have to be pretty on top of things.”
“I guess so. Well, thanks– bye.”
*click*
So now Tressa and Erin’s friend Johann is going to tell them they have a really weird roommate. Oh, well– I’m making a memory, if nothing else.
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