Bit of Ivory

And I’m sick of it. I get 7.5-8 hours of sleep every night. I should not be this tired. The doctors can’t find anything wrong with me, and the remedies they’ve suggested– ranging from sleeping pills to CPAP machines to getting my tonsils out– have helped not at all. I’m starting to think it’s psychological, but insurance will only cover half of the sleep therapist fees, and neither I nor my parents have the money right now. I’m getting more and more cranky and restless, because there’s so much I want to do but I just don’t have the energy for it. I don’t want to help my energy level artificially with caffeine or ginseng or whatever because it will only be counterproductive in the long run.

I feel like all my creativity has been sapped. Like there’s this room inside my brain that I used to be able to get to and open and use, but I lost the key. And then a brick wall of tiredness was built in front of the entrance. I can remember what it’s like, but I can’t do it anymore. And it’s incredibly frustrating.

And I’m starting grad school on the 30th. If I can’t find the energy or creativity to write a simple essay on Harry’s communication skills, how will I survive Tolkien and 18th century British Lit? How will I write my term papers? How will I even come up with the *ideas*?

Human skill has failed me. It’s time to turn to faith.

Prayers would be appreciated.