Bit of Ivory

Feel free to skip.

So when I finished Gaudy Night last night, I found myself thinking more about the academic aspect of the book than the romance (although, more on that later :P). Kind of strange, considering that the romance was very nice and finally resolved and all that, and I’m usually a sucker for those kinds of things. But some of the attitudes toward academia, and especially the feelings of Harriet and Peter towards Oxford and the kind of life one has there, really resonated with me. I realized for the first time just why it was that I feel so driven to go to grad school, to get me Ph.D. It’s because the academic life subtly but inescapably captured my love. I’ve been in the corporate world long enough to know that it’s not for me, and my original intention of being an editor just wouldn’t have worked. Being a librarian was closer– it at least put me in the area of reading, of research, of the love of knowledge. But it wasn’t quite close enough.

I realize now that writing essays and papers is one of my favorite things to do, especially when the subject is something that means a lot to me. I keep doing it even when it’s not compulsory– character studies on Ginny Weasley, for example. I adore discussing works of literature with other intelligent people. I want to share my love of literature with other people.

When I decided to go for my Masters, and hopefully eventually my Ph.D., it was more because I thought myself capable of it than that I would really *enjoy* it. I realize now that although it’s going to be hard, it’s also going to be highly enjoyable. And then I can spend the rest of my life doing something that I love.

Which kind of brings me back to the romance. You see, even if Harriet is a self-insertion on the part of Dorothy L. Sayers (and self-insertions have gotten a bad rap lately; in most fiction there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them as long as they’re executed well, which Harriet is), she’s absolutely the perfect person for Peter, and he’s the perfect person for her. He not only accepts but admires her intellect; he sees her as an equal if not a superior. They’re both MAs and value the lifestyle of academia, finding it more real in many ways than the world outside of it. I feel the same way when I walk onto BYU’s campus– it’s like coming home. And I need to find someone who feels the same way.

In other words, where’s my Lord Peter Wimsey, huh?

I’ve become convinced that most guys are intimidated by me. It sounds horribly conceited, but it’s true. I’m smarter than most of them, and they don’t like it. Not at all. I need to find a guy who isn’t just willing to ignore my intelligence, but who thrives on it, who finds it intensely attractive. Unfortuantely, those kinds of men are rare, and I think I’ll be waiting a long time.

But in the meantime I’ll be having a blast, studying Austen and Wordsworth and Keats.

And reading books about people like Lord Peter, and wishing that I was Harriet Vane.

In other news, got paid today. Whoot!