Bit of Ivory

Well, I just got back from visiting my grandfather. He looked pretty bad. He was sleeping the whole time I was there. It was so hard to hear him breathe. He only took a breath every 30-45 seconds, and then it was raspy and labored. So so hard. I told him I loved him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. It will probably be the last time I see him.

All my aunts and uncles were there (not all the in-laws, but all the actual children), and they were playing a video of an interview my uncle did with him in 1997. He looked so good. The hardest part of this has been watching him slowly waste away.

My mother and I have been trying to decide whether it’s harder to wait for someone to die slowly, or to have it be quick and unexpected. My uncle died that way–was mowing his lawn and collapsed. I think they’re both equally crappy. Nothing is ever easy about death.

I find myself wondering how some of you handle it. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is that I know Grandpa’s on his way to a better place. That my grandparents were sealed for eternity in the temple, and that he’s lived worthy of recieving the blessings that are promised in those ordinances. That if I live worthy too, I’ll not only be able to see him again, I’ll be able to be with him forever. I can’t imagine what I would be feeling if I didn’t know these things. If I was uncertain of an afterlife. If I believed that we forget all our family ties in the hereafter.

I would be dying inside.

I’m so grateful I don’ t have to go through that.

In other news, our parakeet is home. The doctor wanted to keep her for one more night, but when we went to see her we just couldn’t leave her there. They had her in a plastic incubator with no perches, no toys, nothing. Her little eyes said “let me out of this trap!” as clealy as parakeet eyes ever do. So we took her home, and she seems to be almost back to normal. Of course she wouldn’t eat when she was feeling miserable. As soon as I got her home she started crunching seeds. It’s so nice to have her over there, chirping in her sleep again.

I picked out some new glasses today. I think I’ll like them. They’re black, rather than silver or gold. Not that I’ll wear them much in public. But it’ll be nice to know that I don’t look terrible if I have to.

I also got good news–and no, I didn’t save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Instead I got a job interview at WGU! Tomorrow at 11. I’ll tell you how it goes.