Bit of Ivory

So, yesterday was the 1-week anniversary of my layoff. I didn’t even remember until I was in bed for the night. It’s been an interesting week.

And I’m doing fine.

No, really. I’m actually quite surprised at how well I’m taking it. I really have been able to look at this whole thing as a gift, rather than as a misfortune. Of course, who knows how long this will last– maybe when my savings account starts looking much more meager than it is now. But for now, I’m fine.

Some of it, of course, is because I’m in such a different situation this time around. While the layoff was just as sudden– or even more so, since I got about 20 minutes notice before I clocked out for the last time– I’ve been sort of mentally preparing myself for a while, just in case. I also got 2 weeks of severance pay and all my unused vacation, which I <i>didn’t</i> get last time. My unemployment payment will be higher and extend for a longer period of time, since I worked more last year for more pay. I qualify for COBRA, and also for the federal COBRA subsidy, which means I’m guaranteed my current benefits for at least 18 months for only a little more than what I’m currently paying. I still live at home and have relatively few expenses (a student loan and a credit card payment, and that’s about it), so I’m not too worried about my finances.

And mentally, I’m just in a much better place. I’ve been seeing a therapist for several months now, and have been taking an anti-depressant. And when I attended Teri’s wedding (which was AWESOME, and which I was in the process of writing about when I got laid off and therefore distracted), I spent the weekend either talking about theology and my thesis with Cally and Melanie or writing processes with RJA and Risti, or both, I came home ready to GO on my thesis. No, I haven’t written anything yet– I’m still trying to get my room clean so I have a pleasant place to write– but I’ve got ideas. I’ve got plans. I feel a definite need to make my voice heard on this subject. And now I have all the time I need.

Last time, I was so worried about finding a new job that I still couldn’t write. This time, I’m not going to worry. I’m going to seize the time I’ve been given, this wonderful chance to finish my thesis before time runs out, and run with it. I’ll apply for jobs, of course, but only the minimum needed to keep my unemployment benefits. If I get one, great. If not– it’s okay. It really is.

Not that I don’t miss my job. It was a great job, with great people. Hopefully the powers-that-be who decreed that I had to be let go will come to their senses and realize how much they need me, and I can go back. If not– there’s going to be something around the corner. Maybe even something better. Who knows?

For right now, though, I’m okay where I am. And that’s a wonderful feeling– one I haven’t had in a long, long time.