Letters. ‘Cause I feel like it today.
Dear Mr. Scott,
Thank you so much for insisting on giving us sight reading exercises in choir every day in high school. Not only did it make for incredibly funny moments when you accidentally picked a hymn from the protestant hymnal that happened to be the same tune (right down to the parts!) as our oh-so-familiar Mormon hymns, but it must have actually stuck, as it enabled me to sing with my home ward choir on Easter Sunday even though I only knew one of the songs. Definitely a skill worth having.
Fond Remembrances,
Emily
Dear Jen,
Although I requested Peanut M&Ms, Almond M&Ms would also be acceptable. Lisa prefers Plain, however.
And we all like Mint Choc. 
Mix CD is coming. Will be able to worx on it over Conference Weekend.
Still jumping up and down for you,
Em
Dear Hale Centre Theatre,
I’ve come to expect such great things from you. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? Amazing. Jane Eyre? Engaging. The Scarlet Pimpernel? Spectacular. So why did your The Slipper and the Rose leave me relatively cold? It’s a great movie. Has some fun songs. Puts a twist on the Cinderella story. It could have been so good on stage. But you had to go and ruin it. Oh, it wasn’t the costumes. They were wonderful. It wasn’t the staging. It was fun. It wasn’t the special effects. Those were impressive.
It was the pacing.
Everything was too darn *fast*. The music was too fast. Have you ever heard of ritardando? You know, slowing down the tempo at certain points in the song to milk the emotion? Apparently not, judging by the tempo of the musical numbers, especially the love songs. Having your principals gasping for breath while they sing of their love is not a good idea. And I know that the movie is long and that some things have to be cut, but really– cut out the relatively unimportant (although highly amusing) musical numbers like What a Comforting Thing to Know rather than rushing through the most crucial scenes, namely the ball and the wedding. You just went and sucked all the emotion out of it by trying to cram too much comic relief or fluff or just plain nonsense into it.
Do better with Ragtime and 42nd Street, K?
Hoping,
Emily
Dear BYU IT Department,
Why oh WHY didn’t you tell me sooner that I could download a simple client to allow me to print to the network printers on campus from my own laptop? I’ve wasted SO MUCH TIME and money transferring files to disks, jump drives, e-mailing them to myself, etc., only to stand in line waiting to get access to a computer just so I could print. GAH.
Frustratedly,
Emily
Dear Car Gods,
I know that I Asked For It by swapping locking-keys-in-the-car stories with my coworkers on Tuesday, and that me locking my keys in the car while filling the gas tank at Costco mere minutes afterwards is incredibly funny, but did you have to extend your misguided sense of humor to having the battery run down at school today, therefore requiring my sisters to drive over from UVSC after class to give me a jump? I swear, if I get a flat tire or have someone hit me in the next few days, there’ll be no ritual sacrificing of motor oil from me.
No love,
Emily
Dear nice boy in the English Composition Office,
Thank you for letting me turn in my application to teach Freshman English next year, even though you thought it technically was too late. The only excuse I had was absentmindedness, so I am eternally grateful.
Thankfully,
A prospective graduate instructor
Dear Ze’ev and Leslie,
Welcome to the Dark Side.
Evilly,
Wahlee
Dear my hair,
Do you like your new cut? I do. Except I’d like it more if you’d cooperate. Why must you insist on flipping under on the left side and up on the right side when you’re less than shoulder length, no matter what I do or what product I employ? I want you to look good, dang it, so I can take a picture and show all my internet friends!
And don’t be fooled by my real-life acquaintances commenting that they like you. I am not satisfied. Shape up.
Irritatedly,
Me
And that pretty much updates my life.