So thoughts and prayers would be appreciated. Greatly.

Anyway. They gave me 2 weeks of severance and said that I’d done a lot of good things for them. Whatever that means. I still have no job.

I don’t even know if I’ll qualify for unemployment again. Since I’ve been working part-time the last three months and only full time for 3 months before that. Or if I can reopen my previous claim, which I had almost run out of money on anyway.

And now I have yet another job of a year or less to explain away. And none of them were my fault. I hate this. I hate hate hate hate this.

Excuse me while I go wallow in the depths of despair for a while.

So. New goal. Two posts a week. I can do that, I think. Yes.

Quick catch-up:

Life has still not returned back to normal following the deaths of my grandparents, because now we’re (well, my mom specifically, but how she spends her time directly influence how I spend mine :P) trying to clean out my grandparent’s house enough that we can get it on the market. Both my grandparents were collectors and packrats, so it’s taking a while. I have thus far inherited my grandmother’s sewing box, a Roseville vase (Grandma collected pottery), a duck (Grandpa loved them, especially decoy ducks), and possibly one of my grandma’s original paintings (she was actually quite talented, I think). Plus several small things I’d given them over the years, like hand-knitted slippers and stuffed dogs. I told my mom to keep the shawl I knitted for my grandma; I think she’ll enjoy it more, and it’ll eventually get back to me anyway.

It’s hard to think about them in the past tense.

My work cut me back to part-time for the summer (I really can’t blame them, as I usually only have about an hour’s worth of actual work to do on any given day, hence the plenty of time to write blog entries) which has thrust me back into the job search. Even if I go back to full time in September, which was hinted at, I simply can’t take the chance that they’re just going to do it again next summer. I’ve had a few interviews, several of which seemed promising, but none of which ended in offers. One more today. Not getting my hopes up.

The day of my grandma’s funeral, I had tickets to see Keane in Las Vegas (so did my sisters and two friends). My mom and her siblings felt bad that I had to rearrange my plans (the funeral had to be held that day due to some family drama), so they and my parents chipped in to fly us down after the funeral. They were going to pay for round-trip airfare, but I just couldn’t justify taking $900 out of my aunts’ and uncles’ and mom’s inheritance for the sake of three $35 concert tickets. But I also felt like my grandma would have wanted us to go, and would have offered the same deal. So we reached a compromise– we took a plane to Vegas, then my parents came and picked us up the next day. It was an awesome concert– general admission with no seats on the ground floor, and my friends had gotten there early enough to get really good spots only 4 rows back. By the time the concert ended, though, we’d moved up to the second row. Nothing like being mere feet from Tom Chaplin as he sings. When mom and dad came the next day, we stopped in Cedar City and took in a play at the Shakespearean Festival– Pride and Prejudice. It was excellent, and, I think, a good diversion for my mom (as was the whole weekend).

Two weeks later, I, my sister, and our friends Sarah and Carolyn met up with Susan and Pam for a real Shakefest experience. My next post will be a write up of the whole trip and the plays especially. I convinced my mom and dad to go back to see The 39 Steps, and we’re taking my Auntie Anna, my Aunt Jeanine and Uncle Steve, and my Grandma By with us. Next Friday night. I also offered to watch the kids so my married siblings and their spouses can see it too. Ben and Laura have already taken me up on the offer, and I think Ben and Amanda will do the same two weeks from today. It seriously is the funniest play I’ve ever seen.

I desperately need to clean my room and do a major stuff purge. Anyone have any recommendations for good books on organization?

I bought the Costco 24-hour Fitness prepaid 2-year membership at the end of June, but haven’t gone once. Such is the craziness that is my life.

I’m really trying to reign in my spending and actually live off an actual budget. So far I’ve done well for a few weeks and then not so well. I need a full-time job, gosh darnit. How else am I supposed to get ahead instead of just treading water?

Can’t wait for Mockingjay.

I’m actually really glad it’s slow, because I was up until 2:30 last night reading The God of the Hive. Considering I started it at about, what, 10:15 PM (I had spent all day re-reading The Language of Bees, that’s not a bad read rate. I knew it was a stupid idea to even start on it, since the previous book was a cliffhanger, meaning it was highly unlikely there would be any lulls to allow me to get bored enough to fall asleep. My second mistake, of course, was taking it to bed with me, instead of being sensible and leaving it upstairs to await the morning. You’d think that after more than 25 years of being literate, I’d learn my lesson by now. Apparently not.

The book was very good, though, and worth the sleep-deprived hangover of today.

I read it on my nook, since it’s the end of the month and I’ve already overspent my book budget. I couldn’t *wait*, though, so I overspent it $9.99 for the ebook instead of $16 or so for the hardcover. I’ll buy the dead-tree version next month.

This whole sticking-to-a-budget thing has never been a strength of mine, so it’s not surprising that I’m overspending. Part of it is that with starting work again, I’m finally able to get necessities that I’ve been putting off while I was unemployed (like work-appropriate clothes that fit– 9 months of unemployment turned me from semi-lazy into super-lazy as far as physical activity is concerned), and the prospect of a nice paycheck twice a month has made me a bit, umm, giddy. But I’m determined to make it work, even if it is a work in progress. I’m trying to follow Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps to becoming debt-free and financially responsible. My tax refund went toward my Baby Emergency Fund of $1000 and paying off one of my credit cards. If all goes as planned, I’ll be out of debt other than my student loan by the end of the year (maybe even sooner, if I can force myself to make lunches instead of eating out everyday– a problem for both my wallet and my waistline). At that point, I’m going to squirrel away money so that when I start library school (hopefully in fall of 2011) I won’t have to get any more loans to pay for it. The student loans will go into deferment, then I can pay off the loans when I have my MLS In my hot little hand.

I think I will have to go cash-only, though. My debit card is just too tempting.

My job is going well, now that I’m through with the craziness that was tax season. Note to self: mid-March is NOT a good time to start working for a CPA firm, especially when you essentially have to train yourself. We’re now into the much-calmer quarterly/payroll tax season, and I– yes, I– was able to compute and pay the firm’s payroll taxes. I’m so proud of myself.

I still have occasional moments of displacement, though, wondering how someone with an English MA and who hasn’t taken a math class since the age of 16 ended up working with all these numbers.

In order to keep my language skills from completely atrophying, and in an effort to make even more money to pay off my debt faster, I’m looking into doing some freelance editing in the evenings. If anyone has any leads for such a thing, do let me know, will you?

Loving Season/Series 5 of Doctor Who so far, although I still get a pang when I think about Ten. Eleven and Amy are awesomesauce, though, and Steven Moffat is still brilliant.

Today is my brother’s (and sister-in-law’s) 5th wedding anniversary. Which is both awesome and CRAZY. It’s gone so fast! We’re babysitting the girls while they go out to dinner. Right now there’s some intense negotiations going on as to whether we’re going to watch “Lulan” (Mulan), which Molly wants, or “The Doggie Show” (101 Dalmations), which Anna wants. Since Anna got to watch Snow White the last time they were here, I think Molly’s going to win. Which is okay with me, because when we watch Mulan Molly sings along. She doesn’t know what half the words mean, but she sings them anyway, and it’s SUPER ADORABLE.

I have a Grumpy plushie that I brought upstairs when we watched Snow White the other night, and Anna does NOT like it. She says it scares her. I told her that I’ll buy a Dopey next time we go to Disneyland. That made her happier.

Which is at the end of February. Our going to Disneyland, that is. The whole fam damnly, including my Grandma By, is going. We’re getting two timeshare units through my brother-in-law’s brother and spending 5 days in the parks. It will be the last use of the Annual Passports that my sister and I bought last March. 4 trips with them, not a bad deal. I’m super excited to share one of my favorite places with my favorite nieces and nephew. The girls meeting the princesses, Thomas meeting Mater and McQueen– it’s going to be so fun. And my dad’s coming, and I’ve wanted to get him on Soarin’ Over California since the minute I rode it. We’re driving down on Saturday, taking Sunday to let the kids recover from the trip, then heading to the parks for the week before driving back the next Saturday. Can’t wait.

I’ve recently been obsessed with sunflower seeds and guyere cheese. Not together, of course. Reduced salt sunflower seeds, still in the shells. Guyere cheese with nice crusty bread. Mmmm.

I’m taking a Wilton fondant and gumpaste class, mostly for my sister, who desperately wanted to take it and couldn’t unless two more people signed up so the class would carry. Tomorrow will be the first time that I actually work with the fondant, and I’m kind of excited. Also nervous, seeing as how I never took the basic Wilton class.

I’ve had my Nook since Dec. 23, and I am LOVING it. The first book I read on it was Pride and Prejudice, of course. Right now I’m working my way through Right Ho, Jeeves, which is, of course, hilarious. I’m loving all the free books I can get for it, and that it doesn’t cause eye strain, and just how gosh darn cool it is. I have named it Tom, and I’ll give House Points to whoever can tell me why.

I’ve been knitting a bit more lately, what with all this free time and all. I’m knitting some fingerless mitts for the Disneyland trip– we bought yarn for each of us ladies who are going and are making the same pattern. I’m doing mine right now, then will knit some for my grandma and mom (since they don’t knit). I also got some yarn to make mini versions for the litle girlies. Hopefully I’ll have enough time to make some for they guys and the little man, too. I’ve got yarn for Thomas already. I’m also planning on doing the Ravelympics– where you cast on for a project during the Olympics opening ceremonies, and cast of during the closing ceremonies. I’ve joined TeamUtah, and the team decided to knit only patterns by Utah designers. So that’s fun.

I also signed up for a mystery Knit-a-Long. The idea is that you sign up, buy yarn, and get a clue every couple of weeks. You knit the clue, then get the next clue, etc., etc., and at the end you have a gorgeous shawl! Except, of course, that you don’t know what you’re going to end up with before you start. This particular shawl is called “Evenstar,” and it’s based, of course, on LotR. I figured what better way to celebrate finishing my LotR thesis than knitting a LotR-themed shawl? With gorgeous silver silk laceweight yarn, of course.

I cleaned my room! Can you believe it? My carpet is, indeed, a cream color. I still need to do quite a bit of destashing and organizing, but Progress Is Being Made, which is always good. Next week I’m going to clean of my desk, so I can move it out of the room and set up the new desk I bought back in July. Which will make my mom happy, since the box with the desk in it has been taking up space in her fruit room since, you know, July.

Shows I’m loving currently: Leverage, Lark Rise to Candleford, The Mentalist, and NCIS. Last movie I saw in the theatres: Sherlock Holmes, which I adored and which I want to see again. Also rereading the whole HP series, and am on PoA. Love those books.

I am on Twitter and Facebook, if anyone’s interested. Facebook is my real name, Twitter username is same as on Live Journal.

Time for some sunflower seeds, as I’m currently out of guyere.

Work

Still unemployed. I’ve been applying for the minimum required jobs to collect unemployment benefits (2 per week), but to tell the truth, it’s hard finding even that many jobs to apply for. And since there’s a glut on the market of experienced admin-type people, they’re all asking for oodles more experience than I have, and can choose to be incredibly picky. I’ve only had one legitimate interview request so far (the rest have been for scams and/or telemarketing companies), and while the interview went well, I wasn’t among their top candidates brought in for another interview. It’s okay right now that I’m not having any luck finding work, but it does have me worried that when I do get seriously serious about looking for a job (i.e., when I finish my thesis and/or my unemployment runs out, whichever comes first), there still won’t be anything out there. Most of the previously good sources of jobs are on hiring freezes right now, and who knows how long those will last. Ah, well. C’est la vie.

School

So since I’ve got all this free time on my hands and the absolute drop-dead deadline for my thesis fast approaching, I’ve been concentrating on getting that done. I’ve actually made a bit of progress– still no official first draft yet, but I’m hoping to get it done by the end of the week. I have until Oct. 30 to schedule my defense, and Nov. 13 to actually defend, in order to graduate in December. As an accomplished procrastinator, having an actual deadline is great motivation. I’m also in a much better frame of mind still, and have been able to get work done. Not as much as I would like, and I still am having trouble getting motivated to just sit down and do it, but still. Some progress is better than no progress at all.

Books

When I’m not working on my thesis, I’ve been mostly re-reading old stuff: Georgette Heyer galore, Shannon Hale, Jane Austen, L.M. Montgomery, Robin McKinley, etc. Oh, and re-reading Harry Potter. Did you know that those books are delightful? And J.K. Rowling is a genius? Yeah, I’d almost forgotten just how wonderful they are. Not quite, but it’s always nice to be reminded. I’ve also read some new stuff, though, especially The Hunger Games and Catching Fire (Suzanne Collins is EVIL. EVIL, I TELL YOU). Thanks, Pam, for giving me a new literary obsession. I’ve also been trying to *beep* rj_anderson‘s Spell Hunter wherever I can. I actually found it on the shelf at the BYU Bookstore the other day, so I was finally able to fulfill my dream of taking it off the shelf, walking to a cashier, and proudly telling them “my friend wrote this!” as I purchased it. Now I have a hardcover that isn’t signed, so I can trash it with multiple rereadings and/or lend it out without worrying too much about it not coming back.

TV

I do manage to watch some TV as well. Right now I’m loving Leverage on TNT (we started watching it because of Timothy Hutton, who we all fell in love with after seeing him as Archie Goodwin in the sadly short-lived A&E Nero Wolfe Mysteries series), which has some wonderfully geek-tastic references in it some times (like when Nate’s stash of fake IDs were all names of actors who had played the Doctor :P), recently guest-starred Wil Wheaton (who they referred to as the Kobyashi Maru!) and is just plain fun. We also discovered Lark Rise to Candleford on our local PBS station, which sadly has only aired the first season so far, and shows no signs of airing the second yet. But who wouldn’t love a BBC costume-drama series? Loving the final season of Monk (He’d better solve Trudy’s murder before the end, goshdarnit!) and excited to get Numb3rs back in the fall. Have also newly discovered NCIS in reruns. Gibbs is the bomb-diggety.

Knitting

Because I am nearly constitutionally incapable of sitting in front of the TV without doing something else at the same time (which is why my laptop gets so much use :P), I’ve also been getting some knitting done, finally. Unfortunately I’ve been a lazy bum when it comes to taking pics, so I can’t show stuff off at the moment, but I’ve recently finished a Dalek for R.J. Anderson, a beautiful lace scarf an equally-beautiful lace beret, a baby blanket for my 9-month-old niece, a baby hat for Jen’s darling girl, and several dishcloths. My queue of projects I want to do is still incredibly long, I have at least 3 started-but-not-completed projects on the needles at this moment, and my yarn stash is starting to get out of hand (as in, I need to think of another storage solution for fitting it AND all my books in my bedroom. It’s not going well). Oh, and did I mention that I’m trying to get a Jane Austen/Regency gown sewn in time for an early-October Disneyland trip? When my queue will shrink I have no idea.

Miscellaneous

In the meantime, my sister decided to go back to school after being let go by my former employer (it’s a long complicated story, but suffice it to say she got the shaft and was treated absolutely terribly by a company she’d given 3 years of loyal service to) and has moved in with her twin in Provo to cut down on commute time, leaving me home alone with the parents. It’s taken a bit of adjustment. My nieces and nephews continue to be the brightest spot in my life– they are all just adorable in their own ways. Anna is 3 now, and is extremely verbal and smart. At the moment she is obsessed with various Disney movies (although Beauty and the Beast is , I think, her favorite, she also loves The Little Mermaid and Pinocchio right now) and can sing a lot of the songs all by herself. Her little sister Molly is 18 months, and is our only brown-eyed grandchild so far. She’s just starting to string more than two words together, loves crocheted/knitted blankets, and has a decided sweet tooth. My nephew Thomas will be 3 in November and is the most adorable little boy EVER. He isn’t as verbal as Anna, speaking mostly in one-word phrases (“juice!” “car!” “broken?”), but he’s a smart little cookie as well. He loves cars and Curious George and Thomas the Tank Engine. He’s got the biggest blue eyes and his eyelashes absolutely SLAY me. Abigail is 9 months, and is an absolute cabbage patch doll. She’s chunky and cuddly and kissable and is generally a very happy baby, except when she’s not. She’s crawling and pulling herself up and is loving eating solid food, and does this adorable thing where she scrunches up her face and breathes through her nose at you.

My mom’s going to go back east (Illinois and Wisconsin, mostly) with her parents and sisters this week, so I’ve been helping her can the harvest from our garden and the various other things we do each fall. So far we’ve got frozen corn, canned beans, tomatoes, V8 juice, beets, pears, and peaches. When she gets home we’ve got more peaches, beans, apples, taco sauce, chile sauce, and who knows what else. I love having fresh produce from our garden. While mom’s gone I’ll be chief cook. The menu is spaghetti, fajitas, chicken pot pies, Chicken Azkaban, and probably take-out. One of the days she’s gone will be a football game, and I’m not sure if I’ll pack some sandwiches or if we’ll just buy something there. Gotta consult my dad on that one.

Speaking of football– home opener for BYU is this week. We’re taking on Florida State, who we should be able to beat judging by their last two weeks. I love home football games. Nothing’s quite like sitting in the stadium with 64,000 other insane BYU football fans. *sigh* I love fall.

Still sleeping terribly..

So, that’s my life in a nutshell. I’m really, really going to try to update at least once a week from here on out.

Really.

And I’m doing fine.

No, really. I’m actually quite surprised at how well I’m taking it. I really have been able to look at this whole thing as a gift, rather than as a misfortune. Of course, who knows how long this will last– maybe when my savings account starts looking much more meager than it is now. But for now, I’m fine.

Some of it, of course, is because I’m in such a different situation this time around. While the layoff was just as sudden– or even more so, since I got about 20 minutes notice before I clocked out for the last time– I’ve been sort of mentally preparing myself for a while, just in case. I also got 2 weeks of severance pay and all my unused vacation, which I <i>didn’t</i> get last time. My unemployment payment will be higher and extend for a longer period of time, since I worked more last year for more pay. I qualify for COBRA, and also for the federal COBRA subsidy, which means I’m guaranteed my current benefits for at least 18 months for only a little more than what I’m currently paying. I still live at home and have relatively few expenses (a student loan and a credit card payment, and that’s about it), so I’m not too worried about my finances.

And mentally, I’m just in a much better place. I’ve been seeing a therapist for several months now, and have been taking an anti-depressant. And when I attended Teri’s wedding (which was AWESOME, and which I was in the process of writing about when I got laid off and therefore distracted), I spent the weekend either talking about theology and my thesis with Cally and Melanie or writing processes with RJA and Risti, or both, I came home ready to GO on my thesis. No, I haven’t written anything yet– I’m still trying to get my room clean so I have a pleasant place to write– but I’ve got ideas. I’ve got plans. I feel a definite need to make my voice heard on this subject. And now I have all the time I need.

Last time, I was so worried about finding a new job that I still couldn’t write. This time, I’m not going to worry. I’m going to seize the time I’ve been given, this wonderful chance to finish my thesis before time runs out, and run with it. I’ll apply for jobs, of course, but only the minimum needed to keep my unemployment benefits. If I get one, great. If not– it’s okay. It really is.

Not that I don’t miss my job. It was a great job, with great people. Hopefully the powers-that-be who decreed that I had to be let go will come to their senses and realize how much they need me, and I can go back. If not– there’s going to be something around the corner. Maybe even something better. Who knows?

For right now, though, I’m okay where I am. And that’s a wonderful feeling– one I haven’t had in a long, long time.

A) I’ve felt a bit more urgency to get my thesis done, and have made a (little) bit of progress. My main motivation? I have banned myself from reading any books that I have not already read (unless it’s thesis-related) until it’s done. This means no Beedle the Bard for me. No River Secrets (which I bought the other day but haven’t gotten to yet). If I’ve never read it, it’s out. (Of course, this means that the several hundred books I’ve already read are still fair game, but you can only read Pride and Prejudice and Memory so many times before you start to want something new. So.)

2) I filled my car up for under $15 yesterday. That is INSANE.

C) I’ve been bringing my Doctor Who DVDs to work with me to watch/listen to while I push papers around. Makes my job so much more enjoyable.

IV) Speaking of work, I got a fun reward today. My bosses were so impressed with the excellent job I did on open enrollment (Kathy said they’d never had one go so smoothly) that they gave me 4 tickets to Friday night’s Jazz game! And these are primo seats, too– not first row, but lower bowl, high face-value tickets. I’ve never been to a Jazz game before, so I’m quite excited about it.

E) My parents, in an effort to help me get more sleep (I had a really bad time for a couple of weeks, when I was stressed with open enrollment, but, as you all well know, I haven’t felt properly awake since at least 2000) spent a, frankly, obscene amount of money to buy me a new mattress. It’s an Intellibed, and it arrived today. I’ll try it out tonight and see if it helps at all. I’m cautiously optimistic– my aunt and uncle bought an Intellibed a few years ago and adore it– but I’ll have to give you an update after I’ve slept on it for a while. I’m excited, though.

6) When I came home from work, I found a package waiting for me from my friend Katy, containing an early Christmas present– a Basil the Basilisk! It’s ADORABLE, and I luves him, and he’s currently curled around my neck. THANKS!!

Now, to finish cleaning up all the scattered books and yarn in my room so we can move my mattress onto my bed. . .

Better than This
<i>Is this what you meant?
Is this what you dreamed of
When you were making your plans
Shaking the dirt off?
Do you feel like you and I belong?
Just keep your eyes on the road
And nothing can go wrong

You can do so much better than this
You can do so much better than this

I’ve been checking my sums
Oh where did the time go?
Holding my photograph up to the window
Through the paper and refracted sun
I can see all the things I wish that I’d done

You can hang your hopes on the medicine
You can put your faith in the phone-in
You can tell yourself you’re doing your best
You can do so much better than this

Get a grip on yourself
Get a grip on yourself
Could have been something but you’re too late
And you weren’t invited anyway

Because the photographs show the wrong man
Because there is no soap star holding your hand
You don’t see yourself in the freeze frame
Must be someone else using your name

And everyone will be the same
And everyone will glow
And everywhere you’ll see your name
In every shop window

It’s better than this
You can do so much better than this
You can do so much better than this
You can do so much better than this</i>

Yes, I can. And I’m going to try.

“Kathy,” I said, “why in the world are you whistling ‘Theme From Flood’?”

She was very impressed. Especially as the 11 notes were from the middle of the song. She gave me a high five, then spread the news of my familiarity with They Might be Giants around the office.

In the meantime, in another room, another coworker was loudly singing “Yellow Submarine.”

Yeah, I like my job.

I’ve got some fic to post later tonight. After I come up with a title.